Self Love

There’s little more attractive to others than a person who is comfortable in their own skin, with who they are. Of course, we all want to avoid the dreaded narcissist, the extreme versions, but it is an unfortunate fact that such people do initially attract others.

We might think we’re happy but the fact is, if we are single and don’t want to be, this may boil down to a lack of self worth, deep rooted or not.

So, how do we set about portraying ourselves as being happy with how we are? The past few years have taught us to pause and reflect on the things that matter most. Yet many of us still struggle to understand who we are and who we want to be. Dating yourself simply means spending time on your own doing what you want. Self-dating can make you more confident and in touch with yourself which, in turn, will help romantic relationships thrive. Dating involves a 'getting to know you’ period and many will never get past this stage if they do not know themselves.

If you have never self-dated (most haven’t) then, as a starter on your journey to improved self-worth and acceptance, try one or more of the following three ways:

1. A State of Myself Meeting

Think of a company shareholders meeting, a teachers report card, a SWOT analysis. The purpose of these is to find areas of improvement and recognise success. Conducting such a meeting on yourself can be a vulnerable experience so set aside time when you are alone but comfortable. Begin by taking stock of accomplishments, goals, failures and feelings and write it down in a journal so you can look back on it before your next meeting. Headings should include Finances, Professional Life, Mental and Emotional Health, Relationships, Health, Thoughts.

2. Write a Love Letter to yourself

This is not self-centred or vain. If you don’t love yourself, how can you love others?

The letter should include: highlights of your best traits, apologies for bad stuff you’ve done to yourself, accepting your mistakes, and support for your dreams. Go back to it if you feel things sliding away.

3. Self-Challenge Cards

These are a way to avoid routine and getting into a rut. Lack of spontaneity and excitement can make you depressed. Create a pack of cards labelled with random things like ‘throw a parry’ ‘quit a bad habit’ ‘support a charity’ ‘get in touch with someone you’ve lost touch with’ ‘turn off my phone for a day’ ‘cook a new recipe’ ‘take a holiday somewhere different’ ‘drive somewhere random’ ‘help a stranger today’ ’try a new exercise activity’ ‘start a conversation with a random person’ and so on. While you don’t want to become the ‘Dice Man’ following more and more risqué tasks through, you might find you want a particular card to come up. If so, you are already learning more about yourself.