There comes a point when dating life gets difficult for both sexes. If this time comes for you, it’s important to acknowledge that you as a man have as much right as anyone to help and guidance. It’s easy to believe that women need more support, or suffer more disappointments and pitfalls than men, but this is definitely not the case. Your challenges may simply be a little different in the way they present themselves. Here we’ve included some helpful tips on how and when to get help.
Find a therapist or coach
You don’t have to do everything alone. Whatever your history or track record with women, there are people out there who can help you to become more aligned with the person you want to be, and the type of relationship you want to have.
If you have baggage that you’re aware of, do as much as possible to offload it before entering into any new relationship. If the issues aren’t so glaringly obvious to you, think about what ex-partners or friends may have said, and discuss these possibilities. There is nothing to lose from this sort of endeavour.
Heal from your ex
Ex baggage is something no partner relishes when moving into a new relationship with someone. It can be easy to think you’ve buried any mistakes that either of you made, or that you’ve learned what not to do next time – but have you, really?
Hoping for the best isn’t a good enough plan. Before you get back into the dating game try to release, as much as possible, any guilt or blame you feel about your dating experiences. If you choose not to use a coach or a therapist to do this, then speak with friends, read a book, attend seminars – anything. Just make an effort to be a better, stronger or more focused version of yourself the next time around.
We’ve said this time and time again, you must set goals when you’re dating, so that you and any woman you’re seeing know where you both stand. It’s a huge help in sussing out compatibility, in planning forward and realising when maybe you’re going a little off path.
Goal setting doesn’t always have to be dull and serious, you can chuck in some fun things that you want to achieve too. If you chose to do this, you’ll quickly realise how useful focus and clarity can be in your love life.
Set high standards for communication
Don’t fall victim to the stereotype of all men being inarticulate cave men, especially when there are things you want to communicate that matter to you. From day one you should attempt to set the bar high, by being clear about your needs and honest in your opinions and way of looking at the world. If you’re looking for a life partner, why wouldn’t you want someone who loves you for who you are?
Ask lots of questions when dating and practice listening as well as talking. People enjoy being with someone who lets them know where they stand. Be that person and expect nothing less in return.
Reassess your friendships
Did your ex detest your friends, are they always an issue with the women you date? Or, perhaps it’s your friends who always take issue with the women you choose, with you being happy, or having less time to spend with them?
It’s crucial to pay attention to the reaction of friends, both when you’re happy and when you’re not. Watch how they communicate with you and whether they encourage and support your love life. If they help you to feel positive then they’re definite keepers. If not, double-check where you all are in your lives and whether particular people still fit with the life you want to be living.