As intuitive and self-aware as you may be, assessing whether a partner is right for you can be a delicate process. Most of us can get through a few dates with someone in a fairly relaxed manner, but unless there’s definitely no chance of a relationship, it’s natural to question exactly how compatible you are. If you find yourself unsure, there a few questions you can ask yourself to help with the decision making.
How does this person make you feel?
This is a slightly different question to asking yourself how you feel when you’re with them, as you may have underlying challenges with nerves or anxiety that aren’t directly related to your date. Aside from these, ask yourself whether your date makes you feel emotionally and physically safe, whether they make you feel as though you’re important to them and as though they’re truly interested in you.It’s really useful to put your own natural feelings aside temporarily and focus on what your date is putting out there. You have to make sure you’re processing the right signals and that they match those you would like to receive from a potential partner.
Do you have the same core values?
This may seem like a big question to consider so early on and actually yes it is, but it’s a very important one. Core values don’t always have to revolve around the big topics such as religion, politics or morals, they can come down to something as simple as your feelings about money, diet or even work.Having core values that are misaligned is akin to being best friends with someone who doesn’t believe honesty in friendship is important. Although you may think certain standards should be adhered to, the playing field won’t be level and you may end up hurt or disappointed.Having different core values doesn’t immediately rule a partner out, but knowledge of the differences and how they may affect long term plans can help to assess compatibility.
Do you want the same things?
As blindingly obvious as this relationship checkpoint may seem, the amount of people who skip over it or ignore unfavorable signals is staggering. Sometimes we do this because we hope people will change, or we believe that situations can be dealt with later.Whatever your reasons, you need to fully understand that if you don’t want the same things from life as your date, and there’s no cohesion between your goals or ambitions, then you’re simply not compatible to build a life together. Short-term fun can of course be had, but at some point reality will override whatever attraction it is making you believe it could progress into something more.
How do you treat them?
Often, our own behavior is very telling of how into someone we are. Take a look at how you behave when you’re falling for a person and then compare that to how you act when you’re not particularly bothered about the outcome.As well as this, look at how your early behavior impacted relationships you’ve already experienced. For example, think about whether the people you weren’t keen on in the beginning all turned into wonderful loving partners, or if the ones you fell head-over-heels for all ended badly. Take note of any significant patterns.
What does your intuition say?
It can be hard to trust your inner voice when you’re aware of how influenced it may have become by your own experiences and other people’s. To combat this, try to distinguish between how you think you should feel about someone and what you do actually feel about them.Pay attention to the person in front of you, separating them from their potential, and focus on how well you can align yourself with who they are now. Answers aren’t always clear, but using this, combined with the above questions, will really help get you closer to finding out how well suited you are to a relationship.For more information on how Berkeley work
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