Falling in love should mean that someone has become a part of your life and can share it with you.  What it shouldn’t mean is that your personality is automatically absorbed and merged into someone else’s.  Getting lost in love is easy to do and no one will fault you for becoming carried away, but losing yourself is never healthy long term.  Remaining the separate person that someone fell in love with has some massive benefits.  It keeps you grounded and means that your friends, family and most of all you, don’t feel like you’ve suddenly become unrecognisable.

How you dress

If your partner meets and dates you when you dress a particular way, then asking you to change or alter it afterwards is not acceptable.  Some of our identity is expressed in our appearance and the way we dress, so don’t underestimate or let go of it too easily.  Subtle compromises to please someone else can slide very rapidly into big changes that have a negative impact on you.  Stand firm on wanting to be accepted for who you are, all the way through your relationship.

Family and friends

Remain faithful to the people in your life who have stood the test of time. Anyone who has been present, and who you have respected, prior to the new person in your life should remain valued and cared for by you.  As long as the intentions of your loved ones is good, listen to what they have to say, appreciate their presence in your life and continue to do some of the things you have always done with them.  It’s too easy to drop friends when someone shiny and new walks into our life, but people won’t forget how you treated them, so be careful.  Remember, friends and family will be there throughout the relationship, through the good times and the bad, you need them even if you think you don’t.

Hobbies

Keep your own activities and continue to find new ones.  Having your own passions helps to maintain a sense of independence and gives you valuable time as an individual within the couple.  Joint hobbies can be fun and help you to both grow closer, but you shouldn’t rely on another person to make sure your hours are happy and fulfilled.  Maintain a good, solid connection with all the things you enjoy in life, even if your new partner doesn’t share your interests.

Don’t lose sight of your goals

Compromise is essential of course in any partnership, but be very clear about your non-negotiables.  Having a personal plan is just as important as having a joint one, so by no means get carried away and overlook it.  Your personal plan may be to have more children, start a new business or emigrate in five years. When each of you know your own goals and then share them with one another, it can help to determine how compatible you both truly are.  It’s also crucial that you don’t let someone else’s dreams overshadow or replace your own.  Make decisions consciously and ensure their outcome holds some positivity for you.

Berkeley International is an international introduction agency and elite matchmaking service, to find out what we can do for you, enquire here or call us on +44 (0) 207 665 6651.

This article was guest written by Tori Ufondu, Mindset Breakthrough Coach

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