In life there are a multitude of reasons why we stop ourselves from having certain experiences or getting involved in particular situations. Usually they have very little to do with our capability or potential and are much more to do with fear. It might be a fear that we aren’t good enough, a fear of being judged or often in romantic relationships, a fear of being rejected.
When it comes to getting to know someone and gradually unveiling your personality, beliefs or even your body, it’s understandable that there may be an element of hesitation involved. Being fearful however, that someone isn’t going to find you attractive, successful or interesting enough, is a real hindrance in the dating world. It can slow down your progress in love and cause you to miss amazing opportunities that you’re too blinkered to notice.
What is rejection, really?
Rejection is merely a person making a choice about their life that doesn’t include you. It may be that their decision means you don’t get to be their lover, their life partner or even their friend, but you have to respect that it’s their life and their decision all the same. We all have the right to make choices and plans that we believe fit us best, we do it every day. Allow people the same courtesy and space when they are evaluating your place in their own life.
Confusing rejection with feedback
For those of you that are ultra sensitive, any sort opinion or action that doesn’t immediately appear positive or is even too neutral can be cause for concern and self-doubt. The good news is that nothing can sort between rejection and feedback faster than a mind which is confident and comfortable. So, if you’re turned down for dates because people think you’re too needy, or that your fashion sense is too much to deal with, use this as valuable feedback and up the ante. Maybe you’ll hold out for someone who can handle your multiple needs or who is just as eccentrically stylish. Perhaps you’ll decide instead that you do need to change and will spend time focused on this. The most important thing is to not dwell on the rejection itself and see if it can be used in a positive light.
What aren’t you comfortable with?
Usually a person’s fear of rejection is a tell-tale sign of where they’re least confident in their lives. For example, if a person fears being rejected because of their income or looks, they may themselves believe that they should be earning more or be better looking to be worth someone else’s time. Narrow down your own fears of rejection in to specifics and then ask yourself how you feel about that area of your life. What can you change, so that your attitude develops and it is no longer a hang-up for you?
What’s the positive intention behind your fear?
So, it may be hard to believe that there is anything at all positive about your fear but actually, there is. Your mind, when it fears something is usually trying to protect you. For example, if you’re in a fearful state about relationships then it’s less likely that you’ll put yourself in ‘danger’ by dating people. Your own fear of rejection could be there to stop you from being as upset as you were the last time love was unrequited or didn’t work out? Identify what your mind is trying to protect you from and make a conscious decision (spoken aloud if necessary) to seek help for it.
If you feel like your ready to get back into the world of dating visit our how we work page to see how we can help you. You can also enquire here about our services and fill out our confidential enquiry form.
This article was guest written by Tori Ufondu, Mindset Breakthrough Coach