When on a date it’s likely you’ll be on high alert for words or actions you either like or don’t like, we know that.  Having said this, when you’re caught up in the moment and a little tipsy on champagne, errors in judgement are more easily made.  Deciding which red flags to rationalise away or investigate further is key in choosing whether to go on a second date, so we want you to be very clear.  See below for six red alerts to definitely not ignore.

 

They use their phone more than once

Is their phone getting as much attention on the date as you are?  Now in society it’s taken for granted that mobile phones are simply part of the landscape of our lives. They’re always in our pockets, in our hands, on our dashboards, by our beds. Think about the last time you even met a friend without seeing their phone at some point.

When you go on a date all of this learned behaviour should go out of the window, to be overridden with courtesy and real manners. Good phone etiquette on a date means no ‘quick texts’ or ‘quick calls’ and definitely no pulling up Google to search for something unless it’s crucial in that moment. This is the first time you’re meeting, so if you’re unable to hold each other’s attention, it’s not a great sign.  Set an example by keeping your own phone out of sight, off the table and out of your hands.

 

They’re not really understanding or listening to you

How you feel on a date is a very good indication of how you might feel in a relationship with that person. If someone cuts you off mid sentences, thinks they know what you’re going to say, misinterprets you, or genuinely leaves you feeling as though you’re not being heard, think long and hard about whether the effort required to explain yourself, at such an early stage, is really worth replicating.

 

They treat the wait staff badly

We’ve said this before and we’ll say it as many times as we need to, pay attention to how your date treats the people around them. It doesn’t matter whether they treat you like an absolute king or queen, if no one else gets a decent amount of courtesy or respect. You want to be with someone who values others until they’re given a reason not to, not the other way around.

 

They prolong inappropriate conversation

Most of the red flags you will likely notice on a date are the ones which come up in conversation. We’re talking things like a date who constantly wants to chat about their ex, or previous relationship. Whether your date discusses their relationship history in a positive or negative light isn’t relevant.  What’s relevant is that they have no better conversation and aren’t using that time to get to know you, or talk about themselves.  Positive talk about an ex can make you feel your date isn’t over them, or that you have a lot to live up to. Negative talk, however, is even more unattractive, as no one wants to date someone who’s holding a grudge. It’s simply a no-no all round.

 

You’re feeling interrogated

If at any stage you feel like you’re being interviewed for a job and someone is ticking off a mental checklist, rather than simply getting to know you through natural conversation, you should call them on it. Dates are not interrogations. Whilst blunt questions are a very efficient way to assess the compatibility of a partner, they can also be ungraceful and leave little room for manoeuvre.

It may be that your date is looking for very specific qualities, or that they’re dating weary and want to get down to basics. Judge it by how you feel but don’t take it personally if they’re clearly disappointed with your answers. It’s better to know upfront.

 

They pressure you for physical contact

If someone pressures you for any sort of physical intimacy on a date then think long and hard about what their long term intentions are, or even the kind of people they’re used to dating. Respect for your body, personal space and any clear discomfort you’re feeling, is a minimum requirement.

 

If you feel nervous about negotiating the world of dating alone, then why not get in touch with one of Berkeley’s expert matchmakers and allow us to support you in your journey.