Unfortunately, for some women in today’s society, one of the most frustrating elements of life is deciding when, if and how you choose to become a mother. The minute you hit 30 not only does your body clock begin chiming louder than ever, but relatives, friends and seemingly the whole medical profession appear to grow impatient for your child-rearing years to commence. It’s a lot of pressure when you’re not ready or have already been unsuccessful in trying to conceive. So imagine what happens if for whatever reason you’re now in your forties, childless and suddenly wanting that family? What do you do now that everyone else has completely given up on you?
It’s not over.
The first thing you need to know is that it’s not over, by any stretch of the imagination. If you’re fit and healthy, you’ll do well to remember this. Without question, you will be told repeatedly how dangerous it is to have a baby at your age, how badly it could affect the child, how difficult and resource-heavy the process is. It’s your job, however, to listen to the facts, do the research and then make a plan of your own.
Your plan should be based on the knowledge you have of your own body, mental resilience and the support networks you have in place. Bear in mind that nobody is telling you scary stories because they want to hurt or upset you, the truth is that the majority of people are likely operating from a very narrow view of the world. Their opinions may be based on their own personal experiences or their own fears but this shouldn’t determine what you choose to do with your own life. Talk to people with an open mind who can present you with balanced, helpful facts.
Lose the negatives.
You’re going to require the support of someone who is one hundred per cent behind you in your choice to become a mother in your forties. Of course you can do it alone, but having someone on your side will lighten the mental and physical load considerably. We mean a cheerleader who not only knows the risks but who also appreciates you as an individual able to cope with those risks. They should be willing to trust your choices and at minimum respect them if they disagree or would behave differently. It could be your partner, friend or doula – maybe all three.
People who constantly tell you only the bad possible consequences of your choices, who taint good news with gloomy facts or predictions, will sap your much-needed energy. The simple truth is that you don’t need this, at any stage of your life, let alone when you’re bringing a new one into the world.
Know why you’re doing it.
It’s really crucial that you figure out why you suddenly want a child now. We’re sure that your answer will depend on why you haven’t had one already. Perhaps you’ve been trying for years, have never wanted children, or haven’t been in the right relationship. Whatever your reasons, get your motives straight in your head and check that you’re moving toward and not away from something. For example, babies aren’t super glue to fix a lonely life or bad relationship, they can, however, bring much joy into your future and help tighten an already secure bond with your partner.
It is possible.
No matter what, you’ll now be medically classed as a ‘geriatric mother’ but this isn’t what’s important. What is, is knowing that children are indeed possible at your age and many women have amazing pregnancies, great births and go on to adore motherhood.
Age is a factor you need to consider yes, but there are a million other variants that also come into play. Just remember that it is possible to do this. Make the effort to read the right books, have the right conversations and don’t be bullied by anyone.