When it comes to dating there are certain pieces of advice that are helpful across the board, to both men and women. Whether it’s your first date ever or you consider yourself practically a professional at it, tips make life easier. Listening to a few choice words here and there can help to weed out bad habits that you’ve either had your whole life, or picked up along the way. The tips below are applicable to all men who are serious about finding love.
Goals don’t make her scary
At some point in our lives both sexes are led to believe that a woman voicing her long term relationship goals is desperate or scary and that it’s therefore inappropriate. This is something we‘re all conditioned to accept and when it comes to relationships, it’s possibly one of the most damaging beliefs to hold. Judging this type of expression as ‘desperate’ only encourages women to be unclear and men to be reluctant to have the conversation. If you’re on a date with a woman and she says her plan in life is to get married, have children and settle down, don’t run for the hills. Remember, she’s not actually saying she wants any of that with you per se, simply that it’s on her radar. There will be a lot more work to do before you actually get the job, so be appreciative that you’re in the company of someone with such clear direction.
Know your own intentions
It’s essential that you know and understand why you’re going on the date in the first place and what your intentions for it are. Are you looking for a bit of fun, a wife, the mother of your children or all of the above? It’s fine for plans and ideas to change, but have a rough idea of why you’re doing what you’re doing. Being open to all things whilst dating is an admirable mindset to hold, but don’t confuse that with being unsure about your needs.
What are your non-negotiables?
Everyone has things that are important to them in a relationship, sometimes the communication of these non-negotiables is overlooked or, left later than is advisable. If, for example, you’re a workaholic with no desire to change or you plan to travel the world in a year’s time, it makes sense to let your date know so they have a chance to get on board with the idea. This isn’t necessarily about discussing plans that you’ve set in stone, it’s about minimising any foreseeable sticking points and making it known what’s important to you. This way it doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone.
Remember, you don’t have to prove anything
Everyone is turned on by different things, for some women you need to have wealth, a significant social status, a six pack, a mane of jet black hair or be over 6ft tall. Not fulfilling this criteria may indeed leave her dismissing the idea of dating you, but the one thing that will turn her off even more is you pretending to fulfil it. A man who is comfortable with himself, his life’s experiences and the choices he makes is always the far more attractive option to the right woman. Whilst you may be fearful of being relegated to the friend zone, the imposter zone is also not the most comfortable place to be.
This article was guest written by Tori Ufondu, Mindset Breakthrough Coach