We’ve let the men know what 5 things to never say on a first date and so now ladies it’s your turn! Whilst some of the inadvisable statements and questions should never really be said by either sex, there are definitely some specific ones that you as a woman should steer clear from. Certain phrases and questions will do nothing but bolster gender stereotypes, or exaggerate how much hard work it’s going to be to date you – we don’t want this. We want you to show what a catch you are and how lucky your date is to have met you. So, read on…
1 – How much do you earn?
Your date’s first thought: How is that your business, gold digger?
Frankly, it’s not yet any of your concern how much money your date earns or has to their name. Whilst it may be an important consideration for you in the long term, your immediate interests for date one are best kept to whether you find them physically and intellectually attractive, or if you have similar goals and outlooks on life. You may be able to discern from their career or the comments they make how financially stable they are, but you have zero right to ask outright. It’s rude.
If your prime objective is to determine the income of potential matches, you’ll kick yourself later when you realise you forgot to check if you’re compatible in other areas.
2 – I’m really difficult to be with
Your date’s first thought: She’s high maintenance and possibly a drama queen. Sigh.
Whilst this may sound like a coy admission from yourself, unfortunately to the outside world statements like this can smack a little of narcissism. What you’re saying is that you can be really self-consumed and anyone who dates you will have to deal with it because you don’t plan on changing any time soon.
If you know you’re difficult to be with in a relationship then really, from our point of view, you should either be doing the self-work to understand why, so you can improve your behaviour, or on this first date concentrating on promoting your positive attributes. Your date is interested in your good points, why dating you would be fun, exciting, worthwhile. Showcase the stress and violins a bit later, so they have a balance of information and can make an informed decision about a future with you.
3 – I’ve been hurt
Your date’s first thought: She has baggage I’ll need to wade through.
Okay, so everyone’s had some sort of hurt or pain in a relationship, talking about it in detail on a first date however, unless you’ve been specifically asked, doesn’t make the best conversation. Your date will take it as read that you obviously don’t want to be hurt again, and that maybe you’re going to find it hard to trust, and that probably they’ll need to do a little extra work to convince you they’re not a loser – but they really don’t need you to spell that out for them. Take it slowly and remember it’s a date, not therapy.
4 – I just want some fun, nothing too serious
Your date’s first thought: Great, no pressure.
If you’re genuinely not looking for a serious relationship and are all about having a little fun with someone before moving on, then great, go for your life and put your cards on the table!
If not, and if there is any part of you that really wants a serious relationship, maybe a ring and a couple of kiddies down the road, then for goodness sake do not tell him you’re not looking for anything serious.
Yes, we all have the right to change our minds, we all fall in love unexpectedly and start hoping for commitments we didn’t initially envision, but it’s wrong to expect someone to change what they want just because you have. We’ve seen this happen far too many times.
In the same way you wouldn’t appreciate him claiming to want a serious relationship and then changing his mind, he doesn’t want you pretending to be a free spirit – when in fact you’re hoping to be tied down.
5 – Thanks for saying so, but I need to lose a couple more pounds…
Your date’s first thought: I will need to praise her a lot, she has confidence issues.
Newsflash: men are attracted to confident women, ones who feel sexy and sassy in their own skin and know they are divine specimens of womanhood. What they don’t want, especially on date one, is to already be at the place where they need to tell you things you don’t believe, in order to make you feel better, even though you still don’t really believe them.
The dedication some women have to not being as fabulous as other people think, or tell them they are, is really a travesty. If he says you look like you work out, just say thanks, I do. If he tells you your dress looks nice say thanks, it’s new. If he tells you that you seem really educated and smart say, yep, I had a great education. Stop playing yourself down and start accepting compliments graciously.
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