As we get older the search for love, when we’re not already partnered up and happy, can feel like an uphill climb. The fears are similar for both sexes; the worry that it’s getting too late to start a family, that you’ll end up left on the shelf alone, that you’ll never get married, or find another human being who’ll accept you for who you are. However uncomfortable the feeling is, it is perfectly natural to begin getting a little antsy around this time, especially when you feel you simply want the happiness that everyone else appears to have.
For those of you who need a little support, we’ve taken the time to outline a few of the main blocks people unwittingly run into when looking for love as an adult. Take note and try to avoid them if you can.
You’ve been there, done that
It’s likely that if you’re in your 30s, you’ve got a few relationships under your belt already. With this understandably comes a reluctance to repeat the same mistakes, fall into the same patterns or experience the negativities that you’ve already been through. What you need to remember is that although it’s good to be wary of spotting familiar character traits or situations that you know will be no good for you, everyone you meet is different. Keeping an open mind about who people are at heart, will stand you in good stead.
Your expectations are finely tuned
It would be a little odd if you got to the age of 30 and had no clue about the sort of relationship you wanted to have. Being clear on the type of person you want to date, and the sort of relationship you want, is a plus we always advocate, however, we also favour flexibility over rigidity. For example, you may expect to date someone who is in stable employment, but don’t discount the wildcard who is on sabbatical. Or, you may be an extreme foodie and wine lover, but don’t automatically reject the partner who is a teetotal vegetarian. At this stage in life we can easily mistake preferences for what’s really a lack of flexibility, imagination or adventurousness.
Your routine means a lot to you
Not many people who date will readily admit this, but by age 30 we simply have a number of routines we’d rather a partner fit into, than have us change. That may boil down to meeting someone who accepts your sporting routine, understands there are certain programmes you wont miss, or that sometimes you just want to go out on your own. Our routines, if we let them get out of hand, can become impenetrable fortresses that sometimes we don’t even see are shutting people out.
You have a lot more responsibilities
As we get older, the responsibilities we have can multiply exponentially. From mortgages and children to business and social commitments, a life has been created that needs a varying level of maintenance. Dating amongst all of this can feel like a chore with little or no reward, especially when all you want is to quickly reach your destination of being happy and fulfilled. Instead of feeling and viewing it this way, attempt to see the search for love as a reprieve, a time that is purely for enjoyment and not bound to any rules or expectations – except that you show up and be yourself.
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