Being in love is almost universally accepted as one of the most exciting and pleasurable states we can be in. Unfortunately, it’s also acknowledged as one of the hardest, most exhausting feelings to contend with if it goes wrong. When it comes to love, at very best we’ll be lucky if it’s smooth sailing with a few hiccups along the journey. If not, we may experience the heart-breaking world of unrequited love. To not even appear on the emotional radar of someone you care deeply for is soul destroying. This can happen in multiple ways and knowing the difference is priceless.
You love them, they have no feelings for you
It may be a tough question to ponder whilst deep in the mix of your feelings, but there’s a difference between loving someone you know, and loving someone you perhaps have a crush on but have never spoken to. It’s majorly important that you distinguish between what could be considered real unrequited love and what is essentially a giant crush.
Unrequited love with a person you know well is very difficult, especially if it involves watching them with another partner, seeing them hurting with someone who’s not treating them well, or being jealous because their partner is in fact doing a better job than you could. Usually, the advice from us is to be open and to communicate your feelings to lovers and close friends, but clearly in this situation, you may want to hold back. If honesty will ruin your friendship or make it awkward, first weigh-up what you may lose.
In the same stance, it’s entirely possible that this person you’re in love with is having the same feelings about you. We’ve all seen enough sitcoms where best friends have secretly been in love with each other but never had the courage to speak up. It’s a delicate dance, so tread carefully and preface all disclosures and discussions with how much the friendship means to you, regardless of anything romantic that may or may not happen.
If it’s a crush you have and the other person isn’t close to you, or even aware of your existence, then be subtle in your approach. Give them a chance to catch up and understand the feelings that you’ve had time to live with and get to know. Tread very carefully and ensure you respect them enough to be straight-talking, but to leave well alone if your feelings aren’t reciprocated.
You’re already in a relationship and feelings have changed
There’s the idea that unrequited love only happens from a distance, but there are many people who begin dating and fall in love, only to have the relationship end because the other party simply wanted some fun, or finds another partner. It’s entirely possible to already be in a relationship and have the love you give out not returned.
Another scenario is that you’ve been in a relationship for a while, where there was love which has now unfortunately faded for one or both of you. Unrequited love can creep up slowly and is devastating to both parties, as well as any life together you may have created. If you find yourself in this predicament, our advice is to try and focus on the how it happened and not the why.
The difference is that the why may take years to discover, with you only realising it had to happen a decade later, after finding yourself with someone who’s infinitely better matched to you. The how is more about learning the lesson, so you can see it approaching if it happens again. For example, was it the limited time you both made for each other, one of you making the children a priority over the marriage, or the decline in sexual interest from one of you?
Don’t be fooled into thinking unreturned care and love lives only in the domain of singletons. It can be found anywhere and we all need to be vigilant about the possibility of it knocking on our door.
If you are struggling to find the partner of your dreams, contact Berkeley international today by filling out our discrete enquiry form here.