There is always something in relationships to keep us guessing, such as ‘is this the one?’ or ‘is it too early to admit I eat toast in the shower?’.  Getting comfortable has so many different connotations and interpretations that what is a big deal to some, barely garners recognition in the world of others.  Having said this, there are a number of universal points worth mentioning, which should be considered by anyone questioning whether it’s the right time to do anything in a relationship.  We’re going to tackle the biggest and most useful ones, right here, right now.

Is it a relationship?

Now, this may sound like a really basic question, but it’s one that a lot of people who are dating seem to frequently overlook.  Before getting comfortable in a relationship it’s essential you establish you’re really having one.  This means a setup that’s mutually agreed and respected.

Are you exclusive, are you officially an item, have you communicated the elements of relationship life that are important to one another?  Establish the basics before even thinking about getting comfortable, you need to know where you stand.

Work out your definition of comfortable

Men and women all have their own variations on what they’re comfortable doing at different stages of a union.  Your partner may think it’s absolutely fine after date two to brush their teeth whilst you’re in the bath, whereas maybe you don’t want them seeing you covered in body scrub.

When something no longer feels like a strain or a huge risk, then it’s usually an indication that you’re ready to relax it a little more.  Awkwardness is a sign that there is a little more bedding-in that still needs to be done.

How will it impact your long-term goals?

There are some aspects to getting comfortable in a relationship that may affect the long-term goals you’ve set for yourself and your love life.  So for instance, it may be a lot more sensible financially to move in together, but will this influence the need to get married, or the speed with which you wanted your new blended family to adjust?

There are times when looking at the outcome of your immediate comfort can be useful to determining whether it’s the right time for it.

What’s stopping you from getting comfortable?

Ask yourself why you’ve had to stop mid-dating to consider the appropriateness of getting comfortable.  Why isn’t it something that’s just happened naturally for you?  Why might it not be a good time to get comfortable, what is it that you fear may happen, or what has happened in previous relationships that makes you so concerned about the timing of this?

Ideally your relationship will include some element of flow, from one milestone to the next.  Getting comfortable should absolutely been seen as a process, a succession for smaller events, rather than one grand moment.  Of course it can happen both ways, but go easy on yourself and don’t put so much pressure on the need to get it exactly right all the time.  If you’re asking the question, your intuition will usually have an answer.

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