Knowing what to say on a first date can be daunting, especially when coupled with the fear of having to sit through awkward silences and having nothing in common. Sometimes this fear gets us so nervous, that we find ourselves uttering statements and asking questions that we really shouldn’t. Whether inappropriate or just plain rude, it can show off elements of our character that aren’t very thoughtful and perhaps not the best representation of whom we truly are.
For those of you men who have fallen foul to your own version of foot in mouth disease, here are 5 things to definitely NEVER say on a first date.
1 – I’m best friends with my ex
Your date’s first thought: Ugh, really man, really?
Let’s get this straight; no one, we repeat, no one, ever wants to hear that their date still has a previous lover on speed dial. The only people who possibly don’t mind, are those who still have their own intimate connection with an ex.
Being best friends with your ex may seem like the really modern, open and positive ode to conscious uncoupling as it’s been deemed by some, but what your date usually hears you say is, “Your competition is someone who already knows me really well, has been intimate with me in all sorts of ways and is easily accessible in any moment of possible weakness I may have.”
It’s not sexy, it’s not encouraging and the revelation should either be saved for another time, or rephrased in a more thoughtful way
2 – I Googled you
Your date’s first thought: Well that’s invasive! (Even though I Googled you too).
It’s 2018 and unless they’re living in a tent with no phone and no Internet connectivity, it’s likely that most people are now used to Googling their dates. We all want to be sure that a) we’re not about to get up close and personal with a serial killer, criminal or selfie obsessive and b) not dating someone who’s married, but it’s really not wise to tell a date that you’ve started the digital stalking already.
People, no matter how understanding they may be, like to be given a chance to demonstrate who they are in person. To think that our date has already invaded our privacy, without asking, can still tug on our uneasy bone.
3 – Jeez, you want a lot from a partner!
Your date’s first thought: So, you can’t be bothered to make me happy
What you’re essentially saying when you tell someone that they’re asking for a lot in relationships is that they’re unlikely to get their needs met, and definitely not by you. Simply put, you just don’t want to do that much work.
Not wanting to personally do the work it would take to commit to your date is absolutely fine, it’s your choice. However, people have a right to their needs and desires in a relationship. Even if it sounds like a tall order to you, it’s no excuse to have your date feel like they’re asking too much from love, just because you can’t or won’t provide that.
4 – I ordered you a drink
Your date’s first thought: How can I not drink that, without looking paranoid or rude?
Buying a woman a drink before she arrives is sweet and thoughtful, but it’s also unsafe for her to drink it and telling you so can be a little awkward. When meeting someone for the first time, everyone regardless of whether male or female, should have their safety as the number one priority. So, as well as telling friends or family where you’re going and who you’re meeting, it means keeping an eye on your drinks and speaking up immediately if something makes you feel uncomfortable.
5 – Shall we go Dutch?
Your date’s first thought: He’s tight and he clearly doesn’t like me that much
Yes, we’re all about equality guys, but suggesting you and your date split the bill is a no-no in our books. If you have zero interest in seeing her again and there is very obviously no mutual attraction or chemistry, then this may be a different matter, but tread carefully.
If she mentions going Dutch and you want to see her again or want to do the gentlemanly thing, then decline her offer. Perhaps suggest she buy you a drink another time, on another occasion. Ultimately if you asked her out, you chose the venue and you have an interest in a relationship with her, then the bill belongs in your hands.
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