If you’ve been looking for love for a long time without success, or you’ve decided that after a recently ended relationship you need a break from dating, then coming back re-energised, positive and fresh-thinking will make all the difference. Dating siestas are healthy and a reminder that you’re not dependent on the opposite sex to define you or make you happy. When you’re ready to get love moving again, here are some tips to follow.
Question why you took a break
People are prone to making the same mistakes in multiple relationships and until they stop to assess a situation it’s very possible to find oneself in a loop. It may be that you constantly settle for less than you want, that you’re too pushy or not committed enough to being part of a couple. It’s also possible that you allow the other person to be and do these things themselves when it’s exactly the opposite you need. To guard against re-experiencing the same or similar issues time and time again, it’s necessary to identify what went wrong before, why you weren’t satisfied and why it ended.
If you took a break for reasons not related to a particular relationship, it’s still vital to check-in with yourself before getting back out there. Perhaps you simply became disillusioned with the website you were using, if so then try a matchmaker. Maybe you couldn’t balance a dating life with your career demands, if so then this time decide realistically how much time you have and stick to that. Whatever the reasons, identify them and make a positive plan not to repeat them.
Rather than enter the dating arena with the exact same outlook and approach as when you left it, aim to freshen up everything about it that you can. Take a look at your dating profile, what can you change, what can be rewritten, added, removed. What, given your previous experience, do you need to be much more specific about and what do you need to relax about? Think about positive inklings or doubts that you’ve had before, listen to your heart if you haven’t previously, or ignore your head if it’s sabotaged relationships in the past.
Changing your wardrobe, upgrading your look, vowing to go au-natural, limiting the people you tell about dates, or broadening who you date, are just some of the many options worth exploring.
Change the agenda
Having an endgame in sight is always advisable but knowing what you want from dating, however serious that may be, doesn’t preclude you from getting out there and having fun while you look for it. This time around, make fun and new experiences one of your dating goals and attempt to fulfill it whenever you can.
Think themed restaurants, authentic rather than chain coffee shops, or art galleries and independent picture houses, rather than multiplex cinemas and local pubs. It may be date two or three before you crack open your list of alternative things to do, but it doesn’t always have to be. Create a date bucket-list and have fun with the people you meet, it can stop dates from feeling routine or stressful and make them an experience of their own.
Take the pressure off
If you had to take a break in the first place, you perhaps got burned out, disillusioned, or bored with some element of the dating world. This time around, identify whatever those pressures were and combat them by not taking it all too seriously, reassessing your daily priorities and regularly putting it all into perspective.
Remember, ultimately dating is about meeting someone to share your life with, it’s not a test of your worthiness for happiness, your fitness to be loved or how deserving you are of care. Never make your search for a partner the absolute center of your life, make it a wonderful addition, simply an opening in an already full and satisfying life.