Ghosting appears, ironically, to be something that has sprung up out of nowhere these past few years. It’s likely been around for decades, but as the ways in which we connect with each other increases, so too do the ways we can disconnect – seemingly without a trace.
More and more people are releasing the shame and anxiety involved in being so unceremoniously rejected. There are countless tales of people going on multiple dates and then suddenly having their messages ignored and once active dating profiles replaced by broken links. If you haven’t experienced it, count yourself lucky. If you have, there are three possibilities we want you to remember and consider.
Plain old-fashioned rudeness
It’s impossible to deny that quite simply, some people lack an appropriate amount of care for others and are extremely rude. There are many reasons why people perpetrate the act of ghosting and this has to be one of the least acceptable.
Believe it or not, we’ve spoken to these guys and gals, the ones who can’t be bothered to explain why they suddenly don’t fancy you after two months of dating, that actually they were never single or, that the ex they were madly in love with has decided to take them back, leaving you as less than an afterthought.
The pain of being on the receiving end of this is very real. It feels like you have wasted an inordinate amount of time like you have been imagining the whole relationship and will never be able to trust again. As difficult as it is, however, imagine if you had married someone like this, or heaven-forbid, started a family with them. Spend some time looking at all the ways you may have struck it lucky, by having them disappear now.
Unfortunately, one of the reasons people ghost is also down to a mix of cowardice and an inability to really articulate what has changed. These are the people who favour avoidance in life, pass up on any sort of unnecessary confrontation and prefer to keep life stress free and easy going. What this means, is that if the easy option is to simply ignore and pretend nothing happened, then that’s what they’ll do.
So where does this leave you? It leaves you as a casualty of someone else’s lack of backbone. We have a little, and we mean a fraction, of sympathy for the avoiders because when the going gets tough, life really can swallow them whole.
And finally we have this, the genuine issue that someone may be going through and is the reason they have, without warning, cut you from their lives. It’s extremely easy to jump to the conclusion that there’s been some kind of catastrophe, that the person you’ve been seeing is hurt, that there’s nobody who knows how to contact you, or worse still, you’re just not seen by their family as important enough to be involved.
When you think like this you may be called paranoid, or told you’re clutching at straws, but honestly, real issues can and do arise. It is possible to mitigate the damage of this early on by putting measures in place. This includes connecting on social media or exchanging the numbers of your best friends. This way you know for certain that if you’re suddenly and obviously blocked from all their profiles, it’s definitely a case of ghosting rather than a rare and mysterious disease.