When we break up from a partner who really meant something to us, there’s always going to be a low period. It doesn’t necessarily matter how many times we’ve been here before, or even whether we saw it coming or were blindsided. The severity of emotions are just as tough and although different depending on who broke up with whom, everyone is going to be affected.
After the usual blame, questioning, reflection or introspection, for some, the next step is to have a lot of pure and unadulterated fun. So, if you plan to have a few wild days, weeks or months, here’s what we suggest.
Beware the word rebound
The word rebound has some very negative connotations associated with it. It implies a lack of control and haphazardness to your actions, that you don’t know what or really why you’re doing what you’re doing. We want you to be a little more conscious about your choices than this.
If it’s your choice to sleep around, dive straight back into another relationship, or spend the next year as a solo world traveller, we suggest you do it from an entirely self-aware place. This could mean admitting that you may not be coming from a wholly healthy or forward-thinking place.In the case of dating, you should definitely let all parties involved know when you’re not looking for anything serious.
If a relationship does suddenly appear to be getting fairly committed and long term, make it a priority to check with each other that you’re both aware of the way things are turning out. Ask if the feelings are mutual.
Are you still enjoying this?
So, being cavalier about life at the start and painting the town red with your newfound freedom can be extremely liberating. There may come a time however, when either the nights out and wild abandon either become a shadow of their former fun, or morph into an unfortunate weapon against you being hurt and disappointed again.
If you check-in with yourself and realise the fun and frolics you’ve been having have become a lifestyle you don’t want, this is when it’s time to seek help. You can do this by talking to a close friend that you trust, or by working with a professional, such as a coach or therapist who’s trained to help you deal with any emotions you’re shutting down.
Leaving any downward spiral to unravel further is not only doing an injustice to yourself, it will also have a knock-on affect for those you come into contact with. You definitely don’t want to become that person who is reckless or unfair with other people’s hearts, hurting or breaking them in the way yours was.
Know when to stop
Assuming you have life and relationship goals that require some level of focus and planning, it’s a good idea to ask yourself every now and then whether it’s time to get back on track. This is not to say that you can’t have fun within any new relationship that you begin, just that during your break you may not have attracted the men or woman intent on the same long term goals that you are.
Knowing when to stop and take a pause means you don’t suddenly become serious about dating again, whilst still being involved with someone who isn’t.
Also, if you stop to check-in with yourself and realise you’re not having fun, don’t be disheartened. Simply make a new plan that’s no longer based on something that happened in your past.