One of the things we hear from the successful women who join our agency is that they intimidate men. The partners that they find interesting and attractive consistently appear put off by their confidence and independence. We understand how frustrating this is and how it can feel like a brick wall in an otherwise successful life and future. Looking at both sides of the situation, we’ve put together a few pointers to help you deal with these situations and maybe see the bigger picture.
Getting intimate with intimidation
It’s necessary to understand what it means to really intimidate someone with your independence, especially if you’re considering playing down your strengths and achievements. Firstly, intimidating someone will say vastly more about the person who is intimidated, than it will about you. If the reason that they’re turned off is purely because you are successful and strong, then it’s likely they’ll have their own issues around self worth, achievement or identity that they have not yet addressed. In essence, it has very little to do with you personally – which is good news, even if the results may not feel all that great.
How much room is there for change?
So there are many different ways in fact that our independence can intimidate people. If it’s not our success or business achievements, then it could be how comfortable we are in social gatherings with strangers, it could be our ability to fearlessly travel a foreign country, or even how experimental we are in the bedroom. If you want to have a relationship with a man who you think is intimidated by you, try to get crystal clear on what exactly it is that unnerves him.
If you find the source of the intimidation is something you can actually help or encourage him in, then decide if you want to do that. It may be that there are some things you can take a bit slower. For example, a day trip into the Amazon jungle on your holiday, rather than 5 nights on the bare forest floor.
The thing to be most mindful of is making sure you’re comfortable with whatever choice you make and that you’re not compromising on things which are integral to who you are.
Why are you attracting these men?
So, we’re strong believers in the idea that you attract the people who most need to teach you something about yourself or your actions. With this in mind, what is it that you possibly need to learn from your attraction to men who find you intimidating? Are you looking in the wrong places, are you not being clear enough (with the world, others, the universe) about what you need?
Another point to consider is why perhaps you’re not dating men who have the same level of success or independence that you have – have you made assumptions about why they wouldn’t be suitable?
Is it really your success, or could it be something else?
It’s worth acknowledging that why we turn off potential mates may not be for the reasons that we’re latching on to. Yes, you may be successful, but have you considered that there’s another reason you’re not getting to date two or three?
Are you blaming it on your independence when in fact there are other issues beneath this that you need to work on? How are your listening skills, how judgemental are you, how open are you, how easy are you to be with? Consider the reasons your past relationships have ended, consider what else may be blocking you from finding love, before you blame it on your success.