Deciding to tie the knot is an exciting time in any person’s life. Marriage, ignoring all the bad press it gets, is about declaring your love for one another and choosing to share that commitment with your intimate and wider circles. Without bursting any bubbles, we at Berkeley International want to remind you of a few things to consider before you walk down that splendid aisle. These are the things people can sometimes assume, or plan to work on during the marriage. We suggest you sit down and have a good old chat about them now.
Yes, you may be madly in love and you can never envision the two of you parting ways over something so silly as a disagreement about when to have children, but it does happen.
The question of when, how many and under what circumstances, are facts that absolutely should be ironed out before marriage. If either of you are unsure, the other must accept they may never be the father or mother they wanted to be. Likewise, if children are an absolute non-negotiable must-have for you, say in the next 5 years, then it’s important this is understood by both of you.
Pipe dreams and ambitions
We share our dreams all the time when we’re in love but before the big day you should both sit down and look at them practically. 5 years ago your dream to move to New York may have been pie in the sky, but now you’re working at a company with an office there, perhaps not so much.
Are you both clear about the life choices and ambitions fuelling each other and are there any clashes or sticking points? There’s little way to exactly predict the future but if you know it’s been a lifelong ambition of yours to give up work and care for sick animals, you need to check your partner is still on-board with the possibility.
Do you know how much your partner has in their current account or their savings? Have you any idea how much money they owe in debt, on credit cards or mortgages? Having crystal clear knowledge of how your partner manages money is essential before marriage and even more so if you plan to open up a joint account.
As much as love should transcend something as material as money, when one of you has all of it or the other is digging you both into a deeper and deeper hole, it doesn’t. Get your affairs in order, start from an open and preferably clear slate in your married life.
You may assume that you know your partner back to front, otherwise why else would you be marrying them? Well, even if you’re super compatible, but don’t be so quick to dismiss this one. Do you know what your partner’s default emotional setting is in a crisis, when they’re backed into a corner, hear something they don’t like or are emotionally challenged in anyway? And if yes, do you have an effective strategy for dealing with it?
You need to have an extremely good handle on the answers to these questions before you utter the words ‘I do.’ Again, whilst you can never predict what will happen, what you do have a say in is whether you’re with someone compatible enough to ride out the rough and the smooth. Any anger issues, problems bottling emotions up or an inability to listen or express oneself, then individuals and couples therapy before the big day is highly recommended.
If you’re looking for that special someone, why not get in touch with a member of our team who will be more than happy to advise you on our services.