Kiss and make up day this August 25th is a time for you and your partner to revisit the days when fights or disagreements were ended with passionate displays of how much you really love each other. Unsurprisingly, the idea of kissing and making up is something we learn from a very young age. We’re taught as toddlers that after a telling off, then come the apologies and kisses. As we get older and begin to argue with playmates, those kisses become hugs and by the time we reach adolescence, we’re on to handshakes to signify that all is forgiven. It’s for these reasons that we at Berkeley International want you to use this day not just for your obvious intimate relationships, but also for the wider circle of connections that influence your life.
Make up with yourself
We can be really hard on ourselves in relationships and bring hang-ups about our bodies, our moods and even our needs into them. Before you enter a new coupling and even whilst you’re in one, you’ve got to try to forgive yourself for things you’ve previously done or felt which were negative. It’s really important to come into a new relationship space after having reconciled anything that was difficult for you in a past relationship. Whilst it can be far easier said than done, inward forgiveness and acceptance is the fastest way to happiness. Take the time to appreciate your own good qualities and also to acknowledge and accept your own flaws. Show yourself as much compassion as you would want someone else to show you.
Make up with your lover
When we’re in relationships we tend to spend more effort fixing the major things that go wrong than the minor everyday ones. Understandably, issues such as infidelity, feeling unappreciated or having conflicting ideas about the future will bring up the strongest emotions. What’s also important however, is to nip some of the much smaller challenges in the bud. Do it before they grow and become compounded with all the other tiny things that annoy or upset you.
Take the time to regularly acknowledge the things you know you’ve done to upset one another and the habits you’ve let slip by because they’re not a big deal. Trust us, they are a big deal. For example, if you wake up in a bad mood and get to work knowing you were snappy with your partner, then apologise as soon as you can. If you know that last week you should have called to say you’d be home late, make a point of acknowledging your mistake. The point is to have kissing and making up a part of your relationship maintenance, not just the result of major fallouts.
Make up with the family
By the family we mean not just your own immediate family, but with your partner’s family as well. Grudges and ill-will can be harboured for decades because we’re unable to meet on common ground with people, or see their perspective in a situation. Sometimes the forced nature of sharing blood ties and family associations is tough, but it doesn’t mean that mutual respect and tolerance isn’t achievable.
Kissing and making up in this situation isn’t shorthand for dredging up old issues that are unlikely to result in anything but a fight. What it means is that you offer an unexpected olive branch wherever possible, for the sake of showing good intention. It could be lunch, a thoughtful phone call or a favour you know will be helpful. Learn to make up with people and to honour them by giving them the space to be who they are, irrespective of what they throw back at you. Sometimes making up is just as much about accepting the circumstance for what it is, as it is about deciding who is right and who is wrong.